woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
