If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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