There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
