yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found your dick twin last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
