walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
