She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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