So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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