There was a lot of him and a little penis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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