It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
