): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
