It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
