it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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