And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
