you didnt know i had herpes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
