girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
