"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
