I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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