Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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