this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
