Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
