WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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