you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
