On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
