dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
