My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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