Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize