I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
