I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
