He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
