i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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