Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
