and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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