How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The Olympian is in my bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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