no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
