she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
