my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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