Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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