Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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