She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
