I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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