What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
