well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
