so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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