An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
