about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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