she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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