From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
