Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
