I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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