ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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