Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
