We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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